* Nobody is perfect. I am Nobody. Therefore I am perfect.
* It's only funny until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious.
* When all is said and done more is said than done.
* A coward dies a thousand deaths, a soldier just dies the once
* Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products.
* Never apologize for saying what you feel. It's like apologizing for being real.
* Isn't it scary to know what doctors do for a living is called "practice"?
* The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
* I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.
* "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."
* A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
* A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey
* All generalizations are false
* Always tell the truth, even when you lie
* Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one
* Be The Change You Wish To See
* Buy land, they have quit making it!
* Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
* Definition of a Dance: A navel engagement without the loss of semen.
* Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
* Does fuzzy logic tickle?
* Don't breed them if you can't feed them
* Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer
* Don't like my attitude? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS
* Don't steal, the government hates competition
* Earn easy cash in your spare time by blackmailing friends.
* Equality!! If men and women were created equal, a judge in capitol crime cases would have to make sure that women were h
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* Everybody makes mistakes, that's why they put erasers on pencils
* Everytime I see ur face. I wish I was in outer space :P
* Exercise and Diet... But you still Die.
* Geniuses are never understood in their own lifetimes
*Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children
* A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts
* The higher you are, the farther you fal
* l If you are drinking to forget, pay in advance
* I don't curse, drink and smoke. H*ly shit! My cigarette fell in my glass of beer!
* Be The Change You Wish To See
* Life's a beach... Surf it up!
* The funny thing about Common sense is that it's not very common
* When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better
* WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!
* Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
* There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
* To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
* Gravity always wins
* Save a horse, ride a Cowboy!
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